YSunday, December 18, 2005
could tis be the end of a friendship that i thought would actually b everlasting..?
perhaps..im just hopin fer the impossible.(im good at doing that).
i thought that wen ur in somethg togthr u shud be in it all the way..i thought that's how it should've been?? wat am i thinking????
it seems like my world is crashing down on me..almost everything turn their back against me.
im lost.
things at werk was really a disaster.
being blamed fer sth that is so uncertain and yet, they overlooked the dedication that had been given to the job. the load of hardwork and commitment fer that little sum of money that they pay us.
im consumed with dissapointment and angst. im also dissapointed wit the fren i never had and im angry at myself for having to be so dumb, vulnerable and..unwanted.
i hate tis. i duno wat to feel.
today's my last day at CBTL..so, im officially jobless, alone, and lost. and all of this sum up to the word- LIFELESS.
bleah. i witnessed way too many letdowns today.
mebe ellyas' gona leave too..n my sis wil be happy wit her new-found fren..n me?

God knows.

i need someone special to share tis with..i need to have the comfort of someone tellin me that it'll be fine, someone who will hold me up just wit his comforting voice and understanding.
but no one is doing it..cuz i've apparently got no one.
like a jigsaw..im all mixed up waiting to be fixed.all im seeing is bits of myself.

assemble me..and help me reveal me.
God..send me someone who will make me whole again..
U gave me a great fren to cheer me up and wake up to the beauty of living.
and i thank u for that..but plz..dun let me be alone for i'd be depressed.

im not sure of myself.
my heart and my mind is spinning into different directions that i collapse.
i dun wana shed another tear cuz mama cried last nyte.i dun wana c her cry..and i dun wan her to c me likewise..

mama's sleepin beside me now..accompanying me..i love her.
and in this moment in time. i think loving her and my sis is all tat matters now.

-im shytlessly lonely
_callous_ was here with you at 2:46 AM .